so explain again why im purple
no
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
