thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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