come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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