Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
