I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
