I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
