You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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