is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
