peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
