his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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