Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
