I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
