i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
