my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
3 2 1 whiskey
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
