It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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