Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
