Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize