yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
