i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
