It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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