And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
