I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
