Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
