i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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