I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
this just has baby written all over it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
