i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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