you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
