that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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