so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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