my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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