Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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