she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she told me i tasted like america
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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