i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
