Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
