She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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