look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
