Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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