Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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