I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
