U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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