So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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