Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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