why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
