My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
