we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
