dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
