so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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