i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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