he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
