Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
