Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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